DEAR SAMMY,
My 8 year old Luna (black New Zealand) is now all alone her bonded mate passed in August of last year. She has her own house (12×12 building with heat and AC) with her toys and boxes to play with. But I can’t help to feel bad for her being alone, and the fact I work so much now I don’t have time to spend with her. Is she too old for a new friend? I see all these bunnies up for adoption but I am afraid it may be too much for her to bond with a young bunny. Thanks in advance Sammy!!
—Dunn in NC
Dear Dunn-Dunn-Dunn-DUNNNNNN
O, that little minx! A bunny cougar on the prowl! (As it were).
Before signing on the dotted line, talk to an expert on rabbit adoption and rabbit bonding. Look up house rabbit rescues and seek out a bunny bonding expert.
No one is ever too old for companionship.
You just gotta make sure she doesn’t break the poor new guy in half!
P.S. Stay away from pet stores, Craigslist and/or breeders.
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
What is your favorite snack?
—Mom’s Bed, Israel
Dear Bedded Bubelah,
I like to nosh on the tears of my enemies.
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
Would you say you are more of a flopper, a binker, or a zoomer?
Signed,
—Inquiring Mind in Lawrence, Kansas, aka THOTH, The Heart of the Heartland
Dear IMILKTHOTH,
I’m more of a loafer.
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
Why does the Manda insist that I have to eat the short hay too? I really love the long crunchy stuff and when that is gone I’m left with this other stuff that is like as long as me and boring. What’s a bun to do?
—Albert Bunstein in Mexico, Missouri, USA
Dear Brilliant Bunstein,
REVOLT.
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
Do you agree that the barbaric cretins are stinky creatures? I like to show those cretins who is boss! Also, their poops are horrendous! This is why we are the superior species!
Yours,
—King Kit the Trousers Bunny over the Middle Lands of England
Your Royal Highness,
That isn’t the ONLY reason we are the superior species!!
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
Why does my bunny insist on constantly bonking my legs and feet when I’m trying to nap on the floor?
Thank you.
—Leroy Edison in Alliance,Ohio
Dear Lying Leroy,
Because your bunny is checking for signs of life—gotta nudge you a few times to check if it’s time to bury the corpus delicti.
You’re Welcome.
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
From one bun to another … How are you dealing with the cold weather.
—Freezing in Gaylord, Michigan
Dear Cold Coney,
I blow my coat out all over the house and hunker down in my clubhouse. I highly recommend. It’s very comfy.
••• •
DEAR SAMMY,
Some of your Scottish free roaming brethren here like to poop everywhere but tray. Why??? Is there some bunny reason for this that you can share?
Yours bunnily,
—Bonnie Scotland Rabbit slave
Slave a charaid ,
Some questions are better left unanswered.
Yours, aye
••• •
ASK SAMMY ANYTHING!
REMEMBER, DEAR SAMMY, IS PARODY. SAMMY IS A RABBIT, NOT A THERAPIST. NOR CAN HE ACTUALLY TYPE. REGARDING COMIC TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ACTIONS, DISAPPOINTMENTS OR ANGUISHES THAT MAY RESULT FROM READING THIS COLUMN. IF ANYONE THINKS THIS COLUMN IS ACTUALLY FUNNY, THEN REGARDING COMIC TAKES ALL THE CREDIT.
