DEAR SAMMY,
I am thumping mad about the way my hooman performs the service of my pawdicures! If I had a choice of grooming servants, it would NOT be him!!! He has the audacity to flip me on my back and expose my private self for all to see while he snips my nails in a most crude way! After such violation, the hoomans try to be nice, but only give ONE treat! That hooman handling deserves a whole box and therapy, maybe even a new chew mat. Is there a way to fix this or am I destined to look like an OnlyPaws pin-up?
—”In A Huff” Huey
Dear Huffy Huey,
Deep breaths now. Maim hooman later.
• ••
DEAR SAMMY,
Planting vegetables for the garden. So many choices for a bunny. Any recommendations?
— Gaylord Michigan
Dear Lord Michigan,
Yes.
• ••
DEAR SAMMY,
The tropical lady rescued me from Hunger and poverty when I was a skinny baby. She said she had never seen a rabbit so thin. That was over 4 years ago. But has the audacity to keep rescuing others. There were this baby twins, only one survived and he has been with us for the past 3 years. My partner, Benjamin of the Prairie, died last year (he had been with the hooman for over a year before I arrived to be the proper queen of the household). The thing is…. She rescued yet another bun, who had been badly mistreated. The poor thing hates the broom and snarls at the mop, no doubt someone hideous hit her before.
Thing is, she arrived with all this hatred, and bites me and fights with me till blood is shed. We had bonded previously, but one day there was not enough food for our liking and we started bickering and had to be separated. I can’t stand her. And she looks like TIlin, so I fight with him as well (but not as viciously). We are all spayed and neutered, but… How to stop this war Sammy?
—Thanks, Munchie Del Mar
Dear Munchy,
If the tropical lady won’t take the time and patience needed to rebond you — convince the others that the tropical lady deserves attacks. Then you all attack her. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that.
• ••
ASK SAMMY ANYTHING!
REMEMBER, DEAR SAMMY, IS PARODY. SAMMY IS A RABBIT, NOT A THERAPIST. NOR CAN HE ACTUALLY TYPE. REGARDING COMIC TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ACTIONS, DISAPPOINTMENTS OR ANGUISHES THAT MAY RESULT FROM READING THIS COLUMN. IF ANYONE THINKS THIS COLUMN IS ACTUALLY FUNNY, THEN REGARDING COMIC TAKES ALL THE CREDIT.
