Well … 2020 has certainly been … interesting. I am still working on Oreo Cookies [Family Packs at a time, mind you] and to say I am stir-crazy is an understatement. I am … something. So, is it any surprise that the US election is … terrifying?
I cannot guarantee a timely delivery with this product as Covid-19 is still doing a number on many industries that affect independent artists like Yours Truly. It’s … frustrating.
But, it is what it is. I hope you enjoy the buttons. I am off to order a few packs for myself. I am curious as to how gummed up the production/packaging/shipping is lately. I mean, I just received a package that I had ordered in June 2020. As in, I received it TODAY. That’s ok — it was like CHRISTMAS! “What could it be?!” [It was a pair of shoes that are so cool because I only wear cool shoes].
Speaking of Christmas — or Yule — or Hanukkah — Kwanzaa — National Cookie Day — or if you are a poor soul with a birthday over the holiday season [raises hand], Holiday Cards will soon be available!
And the new year will be right around the corner …
If you have an idea for a product, print, or comic feel free to shoot me an email!
OCT 1 2020 CALIFORNIA I am off on a grand journey! I begin in PUH-LENTY of time for the quarantined holidays and look forward to making a “certain someone” very happy!
This eagle is ready to FLY!
OCT 20 2020 OREGON I don’t pretend to understand the mysterious ways of the United States Postal Service. In fact, I just go with the flow. I DO know, for a fact , that for whatever reason, I am somewhere in Oregon!
“THERE MAY BE DELAYS”
NOV 15 2020 INDIANA Hello Fellow Travelers! At last, after a few weeks of laying low, I am almost to Ohio! I enjoy travel as much as the next guy but I am ready to land! Darned mail-in voting put a glitch in mail travel! But that’s OK!! I am PSYCHED!
“THERE MAY BE DELAYS”
NOV 15 2020 TOLEDO, OHIO The LAST STOP before my final destination! I cannot tell you how excited I am! I will still arrive in plenty of time for grand celebrations!
TOLEDO OH SIDE STORY: In December 2018, a Toledoite saw a big ol’ weed horkin’ up the intersection of Secor and Alexis. The city knew about said weed but seriously, Toledo has a little more to worry about than an unsightly, overgrown weed.
As a lark, said Toledoite went into the corner drug store for décor. A Christmas ball strategically placed was like a beacon in this less-than-stellar town. Then … it grew and it grew. Like the Grinch’s heart except there was no roast beast to carve. The Toledo community left gifts, scarves, shoes, blankets, mittens, money, non-perishable food etc, for people in need.
It was to the point there were daily pick-ups for charity. We had Santa, elves, and a stream of carolers. Good-hearted people came out of the woodwork (Surprise! There are a couple of those still out there!). It was the best thing ever and restored an ounce of my faith in humanity.
Then, of course – someone tried to commercialize the thing and it all died.
From one snarky bulb to a wondrous act of kindness
Even those with the blackest of hearts had their moment …
NOV 20 2020 DETROIT, MICHIGAN What?! Wait. Ohhhh, Ok. THIS is the LAST STOP before my final destination. I am still excited! I am going to make it before Thanksgiving! I think.
CRAP.
NOV 30 2020 CHICAGO HOLD. UP. Why in Hades am I in Chicago?! How did I get rerouted?
DON’T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID BEAN
TRUE STORY: Anish Kapoor [the artist behind Chicago’s bean seen above] PURCHASED THE RIGHTS to the Blackest Color Ever Made. I can’t make this up. So, in retaliation, another artist , Stuart Semple, made his own super black—and now? It’s Even Blacker. SEE IT HERE Everyone is allowed to use Stuart Semple’s new Black 3.0 —except Anish Kapoor. You have to digitally sign-off on a promise that you are NOT Kapoor or associated with his studio. Yes. Really.
DECEMBER 15 2020 AUSTRALIA ???????????????!!!!!!!!!! Oh, wait. That’s not me. Or is it?
AWWWWW
LOST: Two (2) SUNNY SAM BEACH TOWELS. Both headed for New South Wales to different addresses. Both lost on the same day at the same distribution center. BOLO for said towels on the beach. Approach with caution. Ask politely: Excuse me … but do you happen to work for the parcel service?
DECEMBER 27 2020 KENTUCKY Help.
LAST SEEN DEC 31 – IN TRANSIT
Not gonna lie. I’m a little bummed that my packages are more well-traveled than I. Godspeed all you lost packages! May you bring a smile to someone’s face!
MR. COVID RECEIVED HIS PACKAGE! (Yes. Someone signed for it as such)
LOST PACKAGE MAP Someday, maybe I will be THIS well-traveled
I saw that someone had left me a phone message at the wee hour of 9:00 am in the morning. [Don’t judge. I’m vampirish in nature].
HSSSSSSSSSSSS
I pushed play and it went something something somethingMEDICAL “please return the call as soon as possible …”
O, crap. My heart went into my throat. I immediately knew my lady bits Doctor took another look at the lady bits biopsy and found something amiss with my lady bits. [It’s called hypochondria].
A new month is dawning in 2020 after all. What fresh hell could possibly lay ahead? lie ahead? be in store?
I followed the phone message instructions.
A friendly voice answered and enquired about how she might help me.
She looks friendly enough [just don’t cross her]
“I was instructed to dial this number and then press the number 2 — So I did.”
There was a bit of a pause and then a giggle. All I heard was “to schedule a mammogram” and I groaned a long toddler-like groan, “Whyyyyyyyy?” I finally surrendered. “Fine. Do it then,” I snapped oh, so tersely. Another snicker.
NOTE: I did not realize I had choices in mammograms! These are exciting times! O, advanced technology, thy name is – 3D.
She went on with, “For verification purposes could you
The woman on the other end of the phone suddenly burst into hysterical laughter. So I did what any red-blooded American would do: I returned the revelry. For 10 minutes straight.
I have no idea what the hell we were laughing at or about, but I got a runner’s cramp.
Eventually, we did manage to get to the most important information such as we both gained lots of weight during quarantine, she lives near me and we both have noticed the inordinate number of local skinny suburban housewives in yoga pants that we both lovingly referred to as “Karens.”
Just a Karen and her Poodle
“You know,” I say, “you may have seen me walking to the lake. Can’t miss me. I have long red hair and dress, comparitivly to Karen, dumpy.”
Her: OH MY GOD! DO YOU WALK LIKE YOU’RE ANGRY?!
Well, obviously it was me. It’s a no-brainer. Hey – you would look angry too if you had daily existentialcrisisescriseezecrises if you were a nihlist.
I directed her to my website to see my photo for verification.
OH MY GOD IT IS YOU!!
She was looking at the comic.
The conversation and chortling continued. For 45 minutes.
She shared how to work out while holding an ice cream cone and I shared how to do butt and leg lifts while laying in bed at night eating potato chips – never missing a chip.
Go on! Put your whole face in the bowl! If I can do it, SO CAN YOU!
We even shared things I can’t write about publicly. Well … I shared things I can’t … you know … write about publicly because I have no boundaries. [The call may have been recorded for quality assurance] *ahem*
When there was a lull in the wackiness action I asked, “So what time is this appointment?”
“Ten a.m.”
“Wait. I asked for afternoon.”
Trying to stifle guffaws she blurts out, “I FORGOT!!” and then we returned, yet again, back to the beginning levels of jocularity. We did not pass “GO” we did not collect $200. I snorted. I cried. And – I peed my pants.
My rabbits looked disturbed and that made it all the funnier.
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
They are DISTURBED
I realize there is a good possibility that this is one of those “you had to be there” events – Still, I highly recommend some good howling laughter for everyone.
Watch this:
Ok. Try watching it at 3 am after eating a family sized pack of Oreos, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and thinking about death. It’s freaking hilarious!
It seems I found a lost member of my tribe. In these times of insanity and uncertainty, it was an unexpected connection and a much-needed catharsis.
It truly is the best medicine. Especially for existential hypochondriacs like me.
As one day bleeds right into the next, I thought I’d stop in and say “hi.” hi.
I would now like to present to you, the reader, with my 2020 Working Calendar :
January
February
March¹
March²
March³
March⁴
March⁵
March⁶
?
?
?
?
I both finished and started commissions that probably should have been done in March¹. I was not expecting Covid to not only shut down my quaint little burgh, but also my ambition to muster any motivation.
March² was more of the same. Each month of March¹²³⁴⁵⁶ brought something new and horrifying to the table. But I digress.
In moments of mind-numbing ennui, I went down many internet rabbit holes to discover many unknown facts. Whether it was learning about inside rifts of my favorite bands (it’s either money or a pink flamingo)
or finding the X with his future Mrs living in a brand new house on an episode of Cribs And a bathroom I can play baseball in And a king size tub Big enough for ten plus me.
Forgive me. March⁶ has been particularly stressful. I just had a Nickelback flashback.
Anyway, I found this gem:
Things I found en route to finding other things …
Shhhh … she sleeps.
Ok then. Let’s just move on and never speak of this again.
I wanted to still, somehow, stay true to BLUE so although I changed a few things, but only a few, I used #0000FF.
I am currently working on a ruggedly handsome bridge bun named “Thor.” Stay tuned. This one is a pencil and ink work!
I am hoping we may soon see another month besides March and that things unstress a bit. I mean, how can I trade my life for fortune and fame, even cut my hair … and … change my name …
Again. I apologize. It’s been an exceptionally stressful month.
There has been a plague of Biblical proportions! A “pandemic” if you will. For future history books I would like to state that pandemics trigger toilet paper hoarding.
Back, vile creature! And stop squeezing the Charmin.
The Corona virus had everyone in quarantine and we, as a planet, lost (and are still losing) our collective minds. NOTE: Currently, the “19” in Covid-19 stands for the weight I am gaining on a monthly basis. #quarantinelife But I digress … If you want to really get a United States citizen riled up you can say one of two things [depending]:
I ain’t wearing no mask out in public.
I’m not only wearing a mask, I’m getting the vaccine.
The Earth is my witness …
We’ll fight you IRL. Who knew medical masks could incite such violence?
Alas … this is no place for political discourse. I save that for my friend, David Muir. We have intense exchanges on almost a nightly basis. Plus he thinks I’m hilarious!
See?!
As of now, Ohio is “slowly” reopening. Some places are more open than others. How a tattoo parlor can open but not a place of worship is beyond me. Maybe they could combine? Welcome to: St. Inknatius Cathedral of Perpetual Motion Praise the Lord.
St. Inknatius Cathedral of Perpetual Motion Youth Pastor
Why yes, I do have my next ink already picked out, why do you ask? Hey — I never said I made ANY SENSE.
Honestly, how many are going to Hell because of Blue-Eyed Anglo Robert Powell Jesus- themed sacrilegious thoughts?
Not only have we (the entire planet) undergone the mysteries of Coronavirus, there were other exciting events leading up to it! Aside from the usual earthquakes, flooding and rumors of war that get the end-timers excited, Australia caught on fire. As in, THE WHOLE DINGED CONTINENT CAUGHT. ON. FIRE. Over a billion beasts perished.
Let us not forget the locusts that invaded Africa.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, murder hornets.
And in case we might miss one:
I laughed at that frog cruising the turntable for a good ten minutes at 3:30 am one morning. John the Revelator at 33 rpms. It’s the little things, you know?
By the way — I am super behind on commissions.
IN RABBITY NEWS … The RHD2 Virus is making its way across the United States. There are hot pockets in the Southwest and Northwest and if you connect the dots, it is looking a lot like a plague of Biblical proportions. The 2018 MIDWEST BUNFEST was outright cancelled due to Ohio’s first confirmed case in Medina County (Think Cleveland, Ohio). As of yet, this lovely nation does NOT have the vaccine, Filavac, which protects against both RHD1 and RHD2. It is a “killed” vaccine so there is no chance of the recipient getting or spreading the disease. There is a current push to import said vaccine via Cananda. The cost is astounding. And the general consensus is: no virus to speak of, no vaccine.
Rabbit Folk are writing to their state veterinarians and talking to their personal veterinarians to move on this. Now, correct me if I’m wrong — but when was the last time we were told a virus wasn’t near us and we had really nothing to worry about?
Would you like to play a game? No. No, I would NOT. EVER.
I was perusing my email when a familiar “ding” caught my attention. An alert stating that I had requested an email change to one of my shopping app accounts. As you have probably already guessed, I did not. It was WISH. DON’T JUDGE.
Naturally, much of my info, money stuff, addresses, blood types and collected souls were connected to said email. I opened the letter and it so politely showed me the email it wanted. It was basically: ima_hacker @ uvbeenhacked.xyz
Some guy breaking into my WISH app
I kid you not. It was THAT obvious. The cherry on this dessert was this: The email stated that another email was sent to the NEW address and for me to click on CONFIRM. …
Now, I’m no MENSA candidate here – but if you want to ensure that I wanted the change, wouldn’t you send the confirmation link to, oh, I don’t know, THE ORIGINAL EMAIL?
I spent 24 hours calling banks, changing passwords, changing passwords again because I forgot the password I changed it to and I also changed passwords a third time because … well … like I said, no MENSA candidacy here. Oh, and running AntiVirus and Malware detectors a few times.
About to order $300 of Roblox
I was perusing my email when a familiar “ding” caught my attention. An alert stating that I had requested an email change AGAIN to THE SAME shopping app account. This one was Russian. Since I had already changed everything etc etc etc. I just let it sit. I pretend I have a Russian pen-pal and look at said email now and again. DON’T JUDGE.
привет, пенни! Как ваши дела?
Oh, Hai Vladimir! I am fine! Thank you for asking! How are you?
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
I am here to shamelessly promote the holiday cards in Sammy’s Place! These are the choices within theREGARDING COMIC. Click the link below the gallery and have fun! There are many card types to choose from as well. SILK cover is the shiny stuff!
Below is the holiday gallery for the OTHER WORKS holiday cards! There is still time! Well, heck, there are also the general “winter” cards as well. All cards are 5×7 and empty inside. Click the link under the OTHER CARDS HOLIDAY gallery to be magically transported there.
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.
– John the Revelator
A commission for the Four Riders of the Apocalypse blessed me a few years ago. With rabbits, of course. The story terrified me as a kid. I could not look at stormy skies for the longest time for fear I would see these figures barreling out of the clouds. Yet, it has been one of my all-time favorite commissions.
I have worked it and reworked this piece. Each rider is based on a rabbit from real life.
Illustrating Death has always been a fascinating task for me. This particular rider was based on my own Russette. She used to loaf and slowly but surely, her head would fall back until she tranced out and fell over. It was the weirdest thing.
Why yes, she is asleep.
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I reworked this piece. To this day I am not 100% happy with it – but I do enjoy it.
The first go of it was a plain black and white design for one color screen print. I tried to also capture some of the menacing Biblical symbols that I was sure was going to come out of the sky when I was 8 years old. But alas – BUNNIES! Then … it happened: I saw some art pieces that utilized the red/black/white theme. This is an ancient, tried and true color scheme. I could not resist.
I say all of this to get to this: Every-so-often something comes through my email that just blows me away. I am honored and humbled by all of my followers … but sometimes my mind is absolutely blown.
I confess I squealed like a girl. In all honesty, when I look at my work on someone’s skin I think …
HOLY CRAP!! WOOOOOOOOOO! I HAVE ARRIVED!
These days I only WISH bunnies would come riding out of the sky. Until that day …
Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
