Posted on 1 Comment

FANGIRL

Remember: It costs nothing to encourage an artist, and the potential benefits are staggering. A pat on the back to an artist now could one day result in your favorite film, or the cartoon you love to get stoned watching, or the song that saves your life. Discourage an artist, you get absolutely nothing in return, ever.

Kevin Smith

All year I braced myself to turn 57. Until 4 weeks before I turned 57 when I realized I was actually going to be 58. I then needed a real pick-me-up, yeah howdy.

I have never used the expression “yeah howdy” until the sentence above. It’s a weird time for me. Anyway, I saw that Kevin Smith was going to be at GalaxyCon. I actually called it “GalaxyQuest” until 4 weeks before the actual event. I’m starting to see a pattern emerge here …

I ACTUALLY PAID TO SEE THIS. DON’T JUDGE.

I love Kevin Smith. I like his movies, yes – but it’s his TALKS that never fail to hit me in the feels. I remember watching an interview that turned into him just waxing philosophical. For almost an hour. The primary gist was “Never give up.” And part of it was about not being too old to start.

“KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON!” — BUDDY CHRIST. PROBABLY.

Well … I’ve already started and wavered – but I’ve started.

So one fine day, Kevin Smith liked a Regarding the Secret Life of Rabbits’ comic tweet! A super hero mash-up, in fact. Yeah Howdy!

As an act of gratitude I made a comic of Sam and Silent Bob.

And he RETWEETED IT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

and then it was picked up by some Hollywood website!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I went viral for a hot second. I mean, if you consider a tweet getting retweeted by a celebrity and some attention from a Hollywood gossip website going viral. Alas, fame still eludes me. Although, for $8.00 a month Elon Musk will let me have a blue checkmark!

I decided I wanted to meet this man. Kevin Smith – not Elon Musk.

NO.

I bought a “for $$$ get something autographed” ticket. The big day arrived. I cosplayed as … well … you know … That Lady.

Ok, it really wasn’t cosplay. I always look like That Lady. Kevin Smith was in a curtained-off booth, hidden from view. It was all very mysterious. Apparently mystery makes my palms and upper lip sweat. “OH. NO.” I thought to myself, “I HAVE A HAG HAIR.”

*Hag Hair: the thick black hair that sprouts on a person’s top lip or chin when their estrogen level crashes. Usually the thickness of a corded rope.

SERIOUSLY, I CAN LASSO CATTLE WITH THESE THINGS.

My turn! Kevin Smith smiled and extended a hand to shake mine. I looked at his hand. I looked at him. I blurted out a startled, “Oh!” and shook his hand. I am smoothe as silk.

I put “SAM AND SILENT BOB” in front of him. His hands lightly slap against the table.

“YES!” He looks at me, “I remember this!”

ME: You liked one of my tweets and I did this one to thank you!

KS: YES!

ME: <complete fangirl delayed reaction> OHMYGODYOUREMEMBER?!

KS: YES! <indicates comic> IS THIS YOU?!

ME: YES!

KS: THIS IS GREAT!

ME: OHMYGOD!

We seriously stood there exitedly yelling in each other’s general direction. Kevin Smith actually acted as geeked out about the comic as I was over him.

He shared that he had forwarded it to his daughter (the person I was actually focused on back then because – bunny mom) and she apparently found it … HILARIOUS.

I then explained my following grew because of that. I got a fist bump and he put his hand on his heart and said, “I love that.”

So FINALLY we get around to the signature and I haven’t once thought about that ebony serpent poking out under my nose.

He wanted to know whom to make it out to … “Could you make it out to my rabbit, Sammy?”

He put his hand out again. I looked at said hand again. I looked at him again. I blurted out a startled, “Oh!” and shook his hand again.

ME: Ok. I’m going to go cry now.

KS: Awwww. Don’t do that!

But I did.

I came away from this experience with a couple of things:

A. How does a person do as much as he does (podcast, comics, movies, speaking, autographs, publicity tours in general)? Everyone wanting and taking a little piece of you. How does he not lose his mind?

and

B. I never told him my name. He only knows Sammy.

If you wait long enough, everything you hope will happen, will happen. It just requires patience. It doesn’t require money. It requires patience and longevity. If you wait long enough in life, patience and longevity will absolutely deliver it to you.

Kevin Smith Again

Yeah Howdy.

PS. Don’t wait for someone else to make a way for your dream – make your own way.

Posted on 3 Comments

MOIDAH

Saint Paris is a sleepy little rural town in Southwest Ohio.

TOLD YOU IT WAS “SLEEPY”

Everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everything about everyone – especially my neighbor! It’s as if he is Don of a local Mafia.

YES. YES, I DID.

Except that murder and homicide just don’t happen here.

WAIT

… apparently in September 2020 it did!

HOLY PONY WAGON, BATMAN!

30 minutes later:
Good Lord that was so … disturbing!

ME READING THE DOCUMENT

OK. So generally speaking … murders do not happen here.
UNTIL NOW!
dun dun dun dunnnnnn

● 19:20 hours, body located on north side of the living room.

IRONIC THAT IT OCCURRED IN THE LIVING ROOM …

● Appears to be a homicide.

● Only evidence is a small round turd near the body.

DNA has certainly come a long way and one would think this would be an open and shut case. However, there are things impeding the investigation.

● Suspicious rabbit staring, unblinking as we complete this investigation.

OUR SUSPECT

Fortune smiles upon us: a witness steps forward!

I SAW THE WHOLE THING! I’M TRAUMATIZED!

It is a well-documented *fact that the perpetrator, more often than not, returns to the scene of the crime.
*Every show on Investigation Discovery

AH HAH!

Well, well, well. Time to pay a certain suspect a visit.

GET OFF MY PROPERTY!
DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT?!

All that’s left now is answering the question: Was it planned or was it a crime of passion.
Or was it COW ABDUCTION?!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

That was the last blog post. Check it out!
https://sammys.club/cow-pile

And here I thought wires were the only thing I had to worry about. Wires and carpet. Wires, carpet and books. Wires, carpet, books and art supplies. Wires, carpet, books, art supplies, clothing, my hair, my eyebrows, and base boards. And now cows.

BEST WITH SOUND

Kids, rabbits chew everything you need or want.

I already ordered another cow from Amazon. I also threw in a phone charger for good measure because – well – it is only a matter of time.

COURTESY OF AMAZON
Posted on 3 Comments

COW PILE

I have a curious fascination with cow abduction. I do not know why. I’m not into the “Mutilated Cow Found in New Mexico” headlines. At all.
However, the concept of a cow getting sucked up into a tractor beam is just so absolutely hilarious to me. I mean, cows? Why cows? Other than the fact they are so dingedly adorable?

We are called upon to actually believe intelligent beings, with technology far beyond our collective imagination, skate through galactic wormholes and meteor storms … for cows.

AWAITING THE MOTHER SHIP

The entertainment factor of bovine ascension alone is so high for me that I collect “Cow Abduction” trinkets. They make me chuckle every time I look at them. But more about that later.

I did some research on this riveting topic so you don’t have to. Lo, I found the first recorded case of cow abduction!

1897
It seems a man by the name of, I kid you not, “Alexander Hamilton” spoke of his poor cow and a cigar shaped object in the sky. He had to cut the mooer loose and watched helplessly as the ship disappeared with his cow. The article also mentions that Alexander Hamilton was a bon-a-fide member of a group of tall tale tellers. Well … Isn’t that just what the government would want us to think?

https://science.howstuffworks.com/space/aliens-ufos/cow-abduction.htm

1932 Saint Paris, Ohio

SEEMS LEGIT

2022 Saint Paris, Ohio

IT’S LITERALLY HOVERING OVER MY HOUSE!!

Anyways – trinkets!

HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA

HOW IT ALL BEGAN
Posted on 5 Comments

GHOSTESESES

I currently reside in an old 1900 farmhouse.

The beacon of light is my studio

It’s in God’s Country, Ohio.

The neighbors are pretty friendly too.

Whilst cleaning one fine evening, I gazed beneath my stove and discovered a dead body! A. DEAD. MOUSE. BODY.

DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNN

The scene was horrifying. I mean, what exactly happened here?! Why under the stove? Why under MY stove? Was it an accident? Murder? Suicide?

Whatever the circumstance, my house now has a GHOST MOUSE. As fate would have it, there were also LIVE mice. They were squatters and were pretty active squatters at that.

THIS is why “under MY stove”

It comes with the harvest-time territory: plow the fields, the mice find new digs. Not one of those 7,334 cats offered assistance. Immediately I researched “Mouse Landlord Rights: The Politics of Eviction” and found this:


The CaptSure Original Humane Mouse Traps, Easy to Set, Kids/Pets Safe, Reusable for Indoor/Outdoor use [take breath here] for Small Rodent/Voles/Hamsters/Moles Catcher That Works. 2 Pack (Small)

The following is no exaggeration:

And when I multiplied the above equation by 2?

MR. WHISKERS
MRS. WHISKERS
THE WHISKERS’ NEW RESIDENCE
[I wave and yell, “Hi Mr. and Mrs. Whiskers!” Whenever I drive by. Don’t judge.]

If you are in need of a catch-and-release that actually works so well it’s stupid, here is an Amazon link:
https://www.amazon.com/UPGRADED-CaptSure-Release-Reusable-Hamsters/dp/B073GRKG88

Reusable-Hamsters … HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Anyhoo

To honor the dead Grampa Whiskers (?) [I am assuming he died of natural causes unless there was a hefty life insurance policy involved] I acquired this Grampa Whiskers (?) cast iron door stop memorial. Enjoy the bunny molt and chewed walls as well.

“Rural Home Security” is seen in the corner

SIX MONTHS LATER

The lights began flickering on and off.  Sometimes they stayed off and I would have to go flip the circuit breaker to get them on again – only to have them flicker and go out once more. “Where is your circuit box?” I’m sure you’re asking. I am so glad you asked.

Ain’t that some bullsh*t?!

But I digress …

We all know what causes these flickering lights:  GHOST MICE. Well, it just so happens I own a Ouija [an Ouija?] Board. For mice. I dialed up GHOST MOUSE.

“Mr. Ghost Mouse, are you flickering my lights?”

The room was silent as the planchette began to move! E-G-R-E-G-I-O-U-S
At least I think that’s what it spelled out. The lights were flickering and Mice Ouija boards are really freaking small. 

Egregious: “shocking” My god. A message from the beyond! FLICKERING LIGHTS / SHOCKING! Wait …
I walked to the hardware store for a new switch and replaced it. And now all is well.

on top of MY stove

*This post is dedicated to one of my favorite comics illustrators, LIZ CLIMO:

She gets it

–THE END–

PS. Fluffy says “Hi”

Yo.
Posted on

2022 Sounds Like Science Fiction

Welp.
It’s been another long strange year. I moved. I am now in a farmhouse with my buns and an upstairs art studio (my bed, complete with Batman sheets, is up there as well).

Batman 66 is the ONLY Batman

I *love* rural life. Truly. I was born in a farming community, spent all my formidable years in one and now, it appears, I shall be buried in one.

This is fine

And – that’s fine by me. Suburbia never knew what to think of me anyways.

Karen (after her yoga class) crossing the street to get away from Yours Truly.

I found a chicken cam on YouTube. I swear to God – only in Ohio …
FOWL OHIO

THE HOLLY KING

Continue reading 2022 Sounds Like Science Fiction

Posted on 2 Comments

Sanity Sunday—Plump Lips

I have never had lips to begin with. Ever. Then, in 2008 I contracted MRSA , was hospitalized and had not 1, but 2 surgeries. “OH MY GOSH!” you may be exclaiming. “WHERE DID YOU GET THE SURGERIES?” Well, allow me to show you:

CONKED OUT AFTER #2

So I am now missing part of my lower lip. It is GONE. It is also numb and I get a lot of food on myself. But that is for another Sunday.

KIDS, YOU STILL GET ACNE IN YOUR MID 50s.

You see? Paper thin to begin with minus a chunk of the lower lip.
During Covid Quarantine I adopted many hobbies. One was trying out miracle products and make-up. 
Today, I take you on the LIP PLUMPER DONKEY RIDE.

THE PLUMPING LIP PLUMPER PRODUCT

No specific shout-out. Just KNOW that … getting plump lips can be expensive for a starving artist losing her mind. And I wanted you to see that I am NOT kidding. I am not a make-up person either. I am a “what you see is what you get” kinda gal.

The product is vegan friendly and cruelty free.
This product also promises to fill in those lip lines you get when you get my age and older. You know the ones: you put color on and it bleeds up your face.

OBVIOUSLY NOT MY LIPS
OBVIOUSLY MY LIPS

Above are my lips eagerly awaiting to the plumping. The instructions advise to wait 2 to 5 minutes before decorating said Plumped Puss with lip liner, lipstick and/or gloss. So I waited. But I am not one to idle about, you know?

OK then.

See you next Sunday!

Posted on

Elon Musk is funny

His Twitter sparks joy. There. I said it. And I am a better person for having said it.

I normally ignore the filthy rich. I can’t relate to them. Heck, I can hardly wrap my mind around the words, “expendable income”.

Remember this?

I do

This is pretty much how I view Wall Street shenanigans:

But then GameStonk happened:

While I was keenly following the stock market like a Hedge Fund, I saw this:

Is this guy the Everyman’s billionaire?

Yes! Yes, he is.

So … I Tweeted @ him and asked if he would pay my art school student loan. I also shared my age (indicating I’ll die before I even get close) as well as my opinion that art degrees should be illegal.

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL – EIGHTBALL #7 NOV 1991 – DANIEL CLOWES

I would love to have that loan gone! I would much prefer that I somehow hit big with Regarding Comic and Raging Bunnies and wipe that God forsaken loan out! Alas, I have no clue how to even begin. I’m flying by the seat of my jammy pants at any given moment.

Anyway, I remain hopeful that Daddy Musk will come through. I’ll keep you posted. </sarcasm>

From the sketchbook:

probably should have something more impressive for Mr. Musk.

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL – Daniel Clowes

You’re welcome.

Posted on 2 Comments

NUNS

God requires that we assist the animals, when they need our help. Each being has the same right of protection.

-Francis of Assisi

I am not Catholic. If you want to label me perhaps “Heretical Non Denominational Buddhist Wiccan Kinda Believer” would cover it.
Honestly, I’m white knuckling it in the belief department.

“stops”

I ddocall myself “Christian” because it’s what I seem to know most about. Well that and feminine symbolism. People would tell you otherwise about me being “Christian”. I have no problem with anyone’s path – unless the “tools” of that path are used as weapons. Stop doing that. Stop. You have no right to declare any brand dogma superior and you can’t legislate morality for the masses. 

So stop it.

The Hecks, you say?

But I digress.

I was reading about Saint Francis of Assisi. What a cool guy! He called all of creation “Brothers” and “Sisters”.
And there is so much YES to that. I decided to write a sermon to my rabbits in the vein of Assisi.
Because this is how I roll, dagnabbit.
…….

Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord.

Psalm 150:6

Sister rabbits, praise our Creator [by any name in which we call upon the Creator] and love Them always. 
They clothed you in warm fur to protect you, gave you swift legs to carry you and blessed you with a radiance of wit.

Among all of Their creatures, They made you cunning and quick. [… but first, they must catch you.]
They gave you a soft fleeting foot and a silent voice yet you rage profoundly eternal in my heart.

You are in perfect alignment and await my redemption.
You are perfect in creation.
You are blessed and a blessing.
…….

RESPONSE OF THE CONGREGATION

Humans, be kind stewards to all creation.

 

Posted on 2 Comments

2021

What a strange trip 2020 has been.

I found myself stuck in a commission. That has never happened before.

 Quick! Send for a mime!

Maybe the isolation of 2020s plague got to me. Or the medical scare. Or the general state of weirdness our culture is in.

I started the commission. Stopped.
Started it again. Stopped.

Maybe I’m just getting old.
I started it yet again. Stopped again.
I was depressed and wasn’t sure what was happening.

If I only knew …

Somewhere in there I ate an aweful lot of Oreos and received some of the most bizarre Amazon packages.

As a kid I would illustrate the situations I wanted. I called it “making things real.” I made a world where I was mystifyingly beautiful and there were winged horses and unicorns. And a cow. The cow wasn’t magic though. She was just a cow.

Correction: Cows *are* magical.

As an adult, I still “make things real.”

Bridge buns are brought to life [for me] and I fall in love with every one I draw.
EVERY.ONE.
They “speak” to me and I talk to them.

But there I was: stuck. Like a truck in mud: the wheels spinning but I wasn’t going anywhere.
This bun wasn’t talking to me. Stubborn boy.

One afternoon while chasing around the hot mess that is Snow – she stole one of my pencils – I realized something …

This was the *first* pencil-in-hand project that I was doing without Lance. My muse. My companion. My critic.

He would snuggle under my drawing board in and stay for as long as I did. I’d take a break and he’d look the project over, judge it, judge me, judge my existance as a whole … the way rabbits do.

I brought the hot mess that is Snow back in studio. She bit all the tips off my color pencils. She slid my rough sketches and models across the floor. She flopped a foot away from me.

Then… I drew.

Everyone – meet Thor.

Posted on

Be on the look out –

In this, the apocalyptic year of 2020, expect the unexpected. I received notice today that our very own mad plague doctor himself, Doctor Sammy, has been spotted.

No need to fear it as a bad omen. In fact it is quite fortuitous in that tomorrow is the warren’s all time favorite holiday: HALLOWEEN!

A big “thank you” to the reader who sent this in – there truly are no words. 

“BACK VILE WOMAN”

Welp.

Back to the drawing board. Literally!